Okay, I am going to be selfish yet again and complain just a bit. I am so tired of people expecting everything from me and then just "taking on" the good things that I have found and cherish.
I know that this does not make tons of sense, but there is a friend that I have that seems to want to take, take, take and can do nothing for herself...literally...a totally dependent person who cannot take a stand on anything. Anyway, I in no way "own" the friends that I have made online...and I have found all these people from others who are going through similar things...but when someone just "latches on" to people so fast, it is irritating to me.
Anyway, I know that this is all irrational, childlike and crazy, but I have just had enough! The people that I follow tend to have similar situations as I do (right heart issues, heart failure, failure to thrive/eat, etc)...there are a bunch that have totally different situations, but I enjoy their blogs and their kids anyway. I just don't feel like someone can sit and give all this "insight" to someone when they have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. It is all scary and everything, but until you have walked the path for more than 2 weeks, don't pretend to be an expert. I know that facing any kind of heart problems are scary and emotional, but when your child is the picture of health outside of seeing the cardiologist every 6 months, on no medicine, eating and perfectly healthy in every single other way...you just don't get it.
People who have lived a small portion of this hell and their child was lucky enough to be considered "fixed"...I have no problem with either...especially when they say, "I don't understand what such and such is like, but I am here for you". That is not what I am talking about.
The person I am speaking about does not read this, so if you are reading, you are not this person. I am sorry, I just keep holding on to this and needed to release it even further. One of you have listened to me rant about this many times on the phone, but I just can't seem to get it out enough...it is such a toxic thing for me...as are a few other things that I will be writing about soon as well.
Thanks for letting me vent...please, if I have offended you, I have not meant to...this is truly about one person who I am really struggling with emotionally right now, and like I said, this person is not reading this.
About Me
- Samantha
- Our family is Jonathan, Samantha, Noah-5, Leah-4, & Micah 2-Micah was born with a Congenital Heart Defect, Critical Pulmonary Valve Stenosis/Pulmonary Atresia with Right Ventricular Outflow Tract Obstruction). Jonathan and I have been happily married for 7+ years now and we also have our precious dog, Buster, who is 8 years old.
7 comments:
Do you feel better? I thought I was doing my job via phone. I guess we should have met over a StarBucks or even the local pub!
no, no, no, you are totally helping me out...too much...i feel bad for weighing you down all the time. thank you for being such a great friend...StarBucks is always a good option though :)
It's good to get "toxic" things out in the open! I'm glad you're comfortable enough to vent here.
A lot of us heart moms are on similar paths, but none of us are on the same exact path as another. Every story and experience is unique. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to be you, Wondermom, doing all that you do, and chasing that little stinker around to try to get him to eat all the time. I would never pretend to understand what that is like.
I have a friend who has a heart healthy (and otherwise healthy) baby and ALL THE TIME, after I tell her I'm worried about Elijah or that this first year has been tough, she will say, "Well, we ALL worry about our kids and the first year is always difficult, no matter what." Huh? Do not pretend to even begin to comprehend what I'm feeling! It totally irritates me that she thinks that is ok.
I realize that in a lot of ways, we are really lucky with Elijah because he does eat and he doesn't take medicine, etc.. I sometimes feel guilty that so many of you have so much more to handle than we do. I hope I have never made you think that I "understand" completely where you are at and what you go through because I don't!
You are awesome and you do a FABULOUS job being such a good mama, so take pride in that!
Oh Megan...you have been nothing but an incredibly supportive friend to me...you always have the right things to say. I am so happy that I have found you here in the blogger world...and I cannot wait to meet you one day!
Your Elijah amazes me with how great he is doing! I hope you don't ever feel guilty because I would be heart broken if that adorable little boy had any more issues. You guys have been faced with so much with your first baby and such a young marriage. I respect how well you and Dan handle all this with such strength! You guys are super parents too!
Thanks for the encouraging words and letting me get all this yucky out of my system
Hugs!
I realized this morning - where are you going to go when you need to complain about me?
I guess I will have to start up another blog somewhere ;)
I don't have to complain about you!
Have a great day!
lindsay, you are funny!
samantha, feel free to complain about me on these pages. :) i'll know and then I'll write about you on my blog. heh. we can start a complaint blog war! oh wait, i have NOTHING to ever complain about with you. reading your entries right now is making my heart ache for you. i love you to pieces and can't believe a lot of the sadness you have but it never shows on the outside. i will pray for you and of course, mr mouse. but really i'd love to do more. i just don't know what. i am here for you anytime.
XOXO
Kel
p.s. i'm glad you have this 'toxic release' blog. its kinda cool to put your thoughts out there. hopefully, it really does help rid of the ug thoughts.
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