Roller Coaster Life

Okay, I am trying so very hard to be positive and happy all the time with respect to Micah and his health...as a matter of fact, for a very short few days, my only concerns about his health had to do with whether he was going to pull that darn button out of his tummy.

But the craziness that is Micah's heart has started in again, and I feel almost betrayed by it. I have always been told that Micah's heart is in good shape, which I know in comparison to many other hearts, his is...but why does his heart go into heart failure so fast? Why do I still have to sit and watch how fast he is breathing, how sweaty he gets and how puffy his eyes look to me? I know that he will forever be a "heart baby" in my eyes, but why can't I just see it as something about him. I am not wanting his health to define him...he is such a special little boy...so curious, full of life, excited, energetic and smart...but all this health crap just keeps getting in his way.

I am very scared...but the problem is...I do not know what to be scared of. Like I said, I have always been told that this heart will last him his lifetime...but how long is his lifetime going to be? I know that is a question that none of us can answer, as there are buses out there that hit people, planes that crash and wars that kill millions of people...but I just want to know that my precious, sweet, charming little boy is going to beat his heart problems.

I guess that is the main thing going on right now...I feel like I truly am on a roller coaster since one minute I am fine and the next I am crawled up on the floor crying like a baby. I just want to be able to drift through life and enjoy every single minute that I am given with my three precious children, but all I seem to find myself being is mean, tired and sad. So, hopefully, now that I have gotten this out of my system, I can go and have a beautiful day.